I am the Night (From Don’t Call Them Batarangs)

— Chatlogs between Sean and Laura discussing a Batman tv show pitch —

S: I think Dick is like 17 in this series. Maybe started training at age 8 or whatever, but was never out on more than 1 or 2 missions before 15.

 L: On one hand we miss out on prime adorable baby Grayson. But yeah better parenting.

 S: Somewhere in there, Barbara asks if he’s been doing this his whole life. And Alfred “Miss Gordon, I assure you, not EVERYONE in this household is COMPLETELY insane.”

 L: YES. Alfred serves the prime roast as always.

 S: And then like… once in a while, Clark is there.

“Bruce! Hi! Yeah, I’d love to help. Never understood why you don’t call me more often.”


“What? I don’t charge anything. You know that, right?”


 L: Is that a fourth wall break or does Clark just break a lot of delicate detective equipment

 S: Flash back reel shows Superman throwing a Batmobile at someone, Smashing through a brick wall and accidentally crushing a fingerprint scanner when he gets startled by a text from Lois. “Okay, that’s… fair. But in my defence on that last one, I DID promise Lois I’d go to dinner at her Dad’s house before I came out to see you”

 L: Of course Clark sheepishly offers to pay for anything he breaks. And Bruce is like “I cannot let you do that, you’re a junior reporter paying for a single bedroom apartment in Metropolis. No.”

 S: “I mean, sure, Clark Kent is. But — and I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this for the whole League, Bruce…” Clark reaches into his cape and pulls out a little batman and superman doll. “These were Barry’s idea. Basically, the profits get stored in a joint League account that’s always available for disaster cleanup and charitable expenses as necessary.”

 “Oh, come on, Bruce!” Clark brandishes the squishy little batman doll “Yes, I admit it’s adorable, but it can’t possibly be worse than those knockoffs they’re selling on the streets!” he jostles the doll, and it says in a friendly, cartoonish voice “I am the night!”

 L: Oh. My. God.

 S: “Bruce, PLEASE!” Dick and Barbara are losing their shit

 L: I was going to say that is a given. They’re losing their freaking minds with joy. “Dick, that is the only thing I want for the next eleven birthdays.”

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